lonley at the top of the mountain

So I run a store, a fast food restaurant which is a far cry from my days of working in a bank. I love my job and I am alot happier doing this than I was doing that.

It is lonley at the top of the mountain, It seems I can not make anyone happy, everyone picks at everyone and making one person happy just makes another one irritated and pissy.

I suppose I am just having a day with it today, I am wired not to know how to not succeed. I really am the person that if given a target I take it to heart if we dont hit that target, plus any customer concerns feel so personal.

I have been ready books on leadership and been trying to go one day at a time but my own cloud of desperation and need looms over my head. I NEED to do well so that I can get raises, make more and get closer to my life in the RV with Dave. I need to accomplish what I told them I can.

That is the thing that makes me wake up in the middle of the night, How do I get this place to run as a well oiled machine? How do I get people who are just coming to work to care if the place is a success or not.

I am struggling with this today, and I am struggling with the feeling that I thought I had left behind, the work stress feeling that makes it impossible to relax or think about anything else. It almost defeated me before. I gained too much weight, I drank too much. I forgot about the things to love in life like writing, art, sex and sleep.

I wont lose myself that way again, but I do need to accomplish this task and run this store to be the best.

Frankly my choice today is to let it go, meditate on it and just breathe. Hopefully the universe will send me some people to make this a little easier on me.

listening universe? Yep I am talking to you. Asking and not quietly, I could use an atta boy and a little help.


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