So to continue what I was saying before, things have greatly improved and are looking up but now then problem is me.
I feel like the colour has gone out of me . Like I am this muted version of who I was. I am going through all the motions of all the things I like to do and see and in my head I just want to curl up on the couch and sleep. I could sleep for weeks.

So I has started to write this because I am going to be 40 this year and I want it back

I get a windows where I feel good, mostly if I am with the kid or D and I are talking about moving into the van but it’s fleeting. I want the colour back. People around me all seem to be moving forward and I feel stuck . I am not going to dwell. I want to feel again and I think a lot of it is a healing thing. I need to observe my life . So good or bad I am going to take you with me 


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