I have spent a few days feeling really not well. Not physically well as there is major smoke in BC from all the wildfires and not mentally well as I am having a crisis about my job.
I keep wondering if this job that I love is worth it. Do I love it, or do I just love the fact that I have it and I am the boss. I have only ever had two passions, two things that I have wanted to be when I grow up . I wanted to be a writer and I wanted to go into medicine.
I love the food industry, I love the people and the feel of the speed and the pressure. The end of the day when you know that you have fought a war and won. But lately, it is feeling like too much. I am working 11 hour days which was not the plan. I am putting out fires on my days off with the people who are working there and I am constantly worried about things like labor and sales and all the things that made me want to leave the bank in the first place.
At the bank I simply gave in to the feeling of " well I am going to fail …
So I run a store, a fast food restaurant which is a far cry from my days of working in a bank. I love my job and I am alot happier doing this than I was doing that.
It is lonley at the top of the mountain, It seems I can not make anyone happy, everyone picks at everyone and making one person happy just makes another one irritated and pissy.
I suppose I am just having a day with it today, I am wired not to know how to not succeed. I really am the person that if given a target I take it to heart if we dont hit that target, plus any customer concerns feel so personal.
I have been ready books on leadership and been trying to go one day at a time but my own cloud of desperation and need looms over my head. I NEED to do well so that I can get raises, make more and get closer to my life in the RV with Dave. I need to accomplish what I told them I can.
That is the thing that makes me wake up in the middle of the night, How do I get this place to run as a well oiled machine? How do I get peop…
Dave and I spent hours this morning watching you tube videos about van life and RV life. We got excited talking about what we would keep and what we would let go of.
Talking about the different modifications people are making and how we can best utilize the space.
We are considering getting a camper van to start, I know it seems odd to start smaller instead of bigger, after all we are actually talking about taking the whole house and condensing it into a van size space and calling it home!
I started thinking and the biggest challenge that we are facing is getting together enough money to buy our home on wheels. I have financial obligations that I cannot let go of, I pay the mortgage on the house that my mom is living in and I do not see that changing any time soon This makes the income that I have ( and it is not substantial ) all spoken for.
We decided to do the little things, I am going to start trying to sell my knitted wares again, we are going to dedicate all the money we get …